I'm ready to tell my story. I hope you can accept me for who I am.
After 33 years of suffering in silence, I am ready to share my coming out of the metaphysical closet story.
It all began when I was 5 years old. Born a late September baby, I knew at this young age that I was a Libra. I'm not sure how I knew this. I don't know if my mother told me or if I had come across the daily horoscope but from the moment I knew, I checked to see how many stars I had for the day, every day.
And then at 9, I heard Karen Andrea Hale on WZAK 93.1 FM reading weekly horoscopes. If we wanted to hear more, then we'd have to call the Zak line which I did religiously every Sunday evening. I didn't know if the horoscopes really had any bearing on my curious, little life or not, but I was interested in knowing everything I could know about the unknown.
I was an avid reader and my main genre of choice was mystery - Nancy Drew, Goosebumps and I was a fan of Nickelodeon's "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" series. My fascination for the mysteries of life developed a passion for birth in me as a teen. At 16, I declared that I was going to be a midwife and build a birthing center. I was absolutely intrigued by the process of pregnancy and birth - and not just human life. I had a deep respect for birth across all species. The fact that a being can grow another is absolutely miraculous in my mind, and I wanted to be up close and personal to really get a glimpse into the magic.
After giving birth to my own child at the age of 21, I began to take an interest in Tarot. I went to see a psychic. Not having ever experienced one, I didn't know what to expect. What I got was a reading I cannot remember but she wanted me to spend, what I considered to be a lot of money with her. I declined but wanted a way to better understand the feelings and energies within myself.
I stumbled across a store in downtown Kent, called "Empire". When I entered, I immediately felt a sense of "home". I was drawn to the crystals, the books on metaphysics, and of course, tarot cards. I had no idea where to start. I was totally a newbie.
The staff was very helpful and gave me options as a beginner. I decided to purchase The Gilded Tarot (Book and Companion) by Barbara Moore and Ciro Marchetti. I studied the cards, the symbols, the colors, and their connection to the planets. I was totally enthralled by the idea that we could read energies through this tool. The more comfortable and familiar I became with tarot, I added to my collection and offered readings to my family and friends. The cards helped connect me to my innermost self. I began to see that there was more than what we could see with our eyes in the physical plane and that there was a clear path to reach the higher power aka God. I was all in.
A visit to my son's grandparents' house would further draw me in. They invited us over to watch "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. This was my first time hearing about the Law of Attraction. It made so much sense to me, and as I reviewed my life, so many pieces were put together, and for the first time I felt like I had control over my life and circumstances. I was determined to test this out.
My consciousness was expanding. I was lighter. More patient. More loving. I had more compassion. I was just a better individual overall and felt good about the future. Being more in touch with my intuition led me to apply for an internship, although I was a college graduate. That interview would ultimately land me a full-time job, and the ability to move myself and my son from Kent back to Cleveland. My interest in birth peaked again, and to help me navigate this growing feeling of becoming a midwife again, I googled Karen Andrea Hale from the Zak line years ago, and guess what, I found her!
"God will burn bridges so you never try to go back to where you've been delivered from"
After years of searching for Karen, I was finally able to schedule time with her. When I met her, she was everything I had imagined - an ethereal beam of light in human form. A beautiful goddess. She wore a white loosely draped dress that was a perfect contrast to her rich, dark skin. Crystal jewelry adorned her arms and neck. Her long white hair was pulled up in a bun and I thought for sure that I had met my spiritual mother. The energy was just right. I was home again.
I began attending her temple services every Sunday. It was enlightening. We sat on the floor. We offered food to the ancestors. We communed. We danced. We were free. Free and in alignment with the energies of our spirits. Oh, what a time. This is when the path to birth began to become so clear I could not ignore it. My spirit was so high that I could not come down off that cloud even if I tried to jump. This was the beginning of Birthing Beautiful Communities.
Spirit led me straight to becoming a doula and building a community of mothers. I was handed my assignment and I executed it becoming almost an overnight success. I never had to ask for the money to fund my mission. It all just came to me.
When I completed my birth assignment, I left the nonprofit/birth world in search of what assignment God was delivering to me next. I fell from consciousness. I allowed myself to forget the principles of light and love, and more importantly God's Promises - the things I learned early on my metaphysical journey. I discovered Human Design, which "shows you where and how to access your body’s consciousness as a decision-making tool, and ultimately, how to live as your true self", according to Goop, and Vedic Astrology during this phase. Both tools gave me a deeper understanding of myself and my path.
I tried so many avenues, even attempting to cross bridges I had intentionally burned because I was not sure of my next step. But those bridges! Just as you cannot re-enter the womb, you cannot re-enter spaces you've grown from. This is truly a blessing.
I've never felt that metaphysics was taboo but apparently, a lot of people do, and it really is because they don't know what it is, and they don't understand it. As humans, our response to things we don't know about it is to reject it and fear it. My job is to educate and help people understand Metaphysics, so they aren't afraid of it, and can use it for the greater good of all - including themselves.
I had an experience with a young lady reaching out on social media for me to be her doula. I haven't done doula work in years, so I passed her information along to another doula. That doula agreed to attend the labor and delivery but did not have the emotional capacity to support the issues that the young lady was going through. I was asked to partner with her and provide the emotional support. I agreed to it but a strange twist happened because she told the doula that she wasn't comfortable with me as an emotional support because she saw on my profile that I was into tarot and she was a Christian.
I respected her beliefs and where she stood. It taught me just how uneducated we are on metaphysics, and to show you what I mean - I read and reference the Bible all the time. In fact, Jesus was a Master Metaphysician. One of the greatest to ever do it. He didn't do it through tarot or some of the other tools I mentioned here. He did it through speaking because he learned on his 18-year hiatus all the inner workings of God. Christianity came after the death of Jesus, pioneered by Paul, who had never met Jesus because he died many years before his time.
I went to church yesterday, a Christian church, and I nodded, prayed, and said Amen a million times because I understand the word on a spiritual/metaphysical level, it doesn't matter who is teaching it - a priest, a pastor, or a Rabbi. I can go to any temple, church, or synagogue and can fit in, because it's all essentially the same thing, and all fall under metaphysics.
All the denials and redirections landed me right here. Right where I need to be. In my metaphysical bag. I am working on Metaphysics studies, and have fully embraced myself as a Metaphysician sent here to guide people to give birth to their most authentic, creative, beautiful selves. It's truly an honor. I spent so many years hiding my love and passion for this world, and now I am thanking God for the freedom to be on this path openly and proudly.
I am out of the metaphysical closet!